welcome to..um.... me?

so, here goes... my first blog....in a VERY long time. I used to write like a maniac in college, but after an incident remniscent of something out of a bad teen movie, I quit. My sophomore year in college, I had a nasty battle with bulimia, image issues, and my residents (I was a newbie RA with non-traditional students (aka: some were old enough to be my parents, all were incredibly lacking in the social skills department)). Anyway, I used to write it all out... EVERYTHING. Cheap therapy it may have been, but not a wise idea for someone trying to "hide" a myriad of problems. Truthfully, I was desperately grasping for help. But, back to the story... the last day of move-out, I had had a particularly nasty run-in with my least favorite queen bee (oh R, how truly evil you seemed. but it's ok, i know you are just scared, immature, and insecure, and I forgive you for all the awful things you did that year. including almost getting me fired over a rumor.) I wake up the next morning to find her "parting gift": the most intense of my blog entried printed, highlighted, copied and pasted to look more scandalous, and posted all over our dorm. Wow. Does that actually happen to anyone?! yep, guess so folks.

so, why start blogging again now? And what's with the title? well, a major thing has changed in my life since those early bare my heart, cry, then go puke days. God. I wouldn't say that I was a total heathen before. But, Jesus captured my heart, mind, and life in the late fall of 2007. Being the analytical person God created me to be, sometimes I just need to "journal it out." So, this, my friends, is a spiritual Captain's Log of sorts. And that title? Well, it is how we as Christians are called to work out our faith, with fear and trembling.

So here is the rundown so far....
I hate the title "born again Christian." I hate the when people talk about how they got saved or how they met Jesus. Guess I always have. Even those these are concepts I live and breathe everyday, I cringe every time some "Jesus freak" (yes I am fully aware that I get called this behind my back, but why not wear it like a badge of honor? If the gays can reclaim queer, I am reclaiming Jesus freak. holler.) asks me how I got saved and what my life as a non-Christian was like. Maybe I am an anamoly in the non-denominational world, but I doubt it. I bet no one else just wants to speak up for fear of being labelled "not Christian enough."

I am fairly liberal in my beliefs, but hey I am a Christian in Seattle, what else would you expect?! Currently, I am a member of one of the most prominent (and feared/hated/loved.... depends on who you ask) non-denominational Christian churches in the city. Yes, our preaching pastor is an outspoken Calvinist, yes we DO want you to get married and have kids (like...NOW), yes we do love Jesus, and yes we DO love YOU, even if you are a pot-smoking hippie with illegitimate babies. I firmly firmly believe that salvation comes through faith in Jesus Christ and his sacrifice and this belief alone. "Being a good person" will get you NOWHERE. However, as a Christian, I have the privilege of having a heart to follow God's will. I WANT to not get drunk, to not have sex premaritally (ok, I'm working on that one, but come on... I am a human after all!). I WANT to read my Bible, pray, tell people about Jesus. I am not bound to rules and laws, I get to do these things. It is so freeing to know that I can not lose my salvation. God will not leave me or forsake me. I might stray... I might end up drunk, gossiping, or neglecting to read my Bible, but I am STILL LOVED. I am by no means an expert in theology, nor do I have it "all figured out," but I know with every fiber of my being that I am going to heaven. And I couldn't be more excited.

I really think that the evangelists shown in today's media give God's people such a bad name. If you are reading this and you belive in the Prosperity Gospel, works, or watch "church" on tv on Sunday mornings, you may want to go do that right now.... I am about to lay the smack down on your viewpoint, but with love, of course ;) If you are a new Christian, you probably know what I mean when I say, Jesus is NOT your cure-all. I found God, but I am still broke, single, out of shape, and sometimes crabby (sorry catch me before that morning caffeine jolt and you'll wish you had chosen to wrestle a rabid Grizzly bear instead). Your life may, and realistically, will, still suck. However, that suffering gets easier. Jesus won't wave his magic wand and give you a Lexus with smooth leather seats and a sunroof, but He will be there to walk through it all with you. For the chosen, life on Earth is the worst we will ever have it. No matter how many good deeds you do, you can't earn your way in to heaven. It's all about faith, my friends. While we are on the subject of the church and prosperity... let's talk about giving. I tell my Sunday school students (who are freaking rad, btw) every week that God gives us everything so it is natural that we give some back to support the mission of spreading the good news of the gospel. However, I do NOT believe in the "religious" ideal of giving a fixed amount. or that giving this amount or more will buy you a way in to God's good graces. Paul tells the church at Corinth in 1st Corinthians that we should be cheerful, sacrificial givers. So, for me, giving my time and a few bucks here and there is a huge sacrifice (I told you I am SO Seattle... I got laid off from my "grown up" job so now make lattes... you can guess where ;) )... but, for someone else, time and a few bucks wouldn't even be noticeable to them. Get my point? So next time you walk in to a mega church that exhorts non-members, non-Christians, college students, the unemployed, and single moms to give 10%... RUN. (sidenote: not all megachurches are bad... and not all Prosperity Gospel churches are bad... if that's your scene and you love Jesus... holler. it's just not for me.)

Well, that's me. I could talk about "God stuff" all night, but let's face it.. I have a dog to walk, mounds of laundry to do, and a car that won't wash itself (however... it should. that would be rad). I know that I can be kinda wordy and a bit blunt, but I hope if you get anything from this post, it's this.... It doesn't matter who you are, have been, or what you have done. God is real and He wants to welcome you in to His family. Being a Christian does not need to be a stuffy, colorless existence full of rigid morals and judgements.